I’ve been getting asked a lot about this lately, so in answer to some of the Frequently Asked Questions on this subject, I am posting the following:

I enjoy signing autographs for my fans and am happy to oblige people with an autograph photo. I get a lot of fan mail – from people all over the world! – so it would really help me if you could help me “streamline” the process as it were.

1.  Get the right address.  Fan mail pops up everywhere – old addresses, my agent’s office, etc., etc. Here is the REAL, TRUE CORRECT ADDRESS to write to me:

Alison Arngrim

P.O. Box 98

Tujunga, CA 91043

2.  Include a SELF ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE - or as the professional autograph seekers call it, the “S.A.S.E.”.    I love you guys, but I’m not Office Depot.  Help a Prairie Bitch out and give me something to mail you back the photo in.  (And include the correct amount of postage.  ESPECIALLY if you’re in another country. )  Oh and send an envelope BIG enough for the photo you want.  I get a lot of requests accompanied by little, teeny envelopes.  (The teeniest envelopes tend to come from Germany. I have no idea why.)  If you send me a little teeny envelope, I will try to find you a teeny little picture, but if you really want a nice 8 x 10, send me a big envelope.  And if you have some cardboard lying around to protect the photo, that would be great too.  (Some fans use old cut up manila folders.  Those work really well.)

3.       Tell me WHO the autograph is for.  I know this should seem obvious, but you’d be amazed how many people write to me and tell me they need one autographed picture for them and ..oh, four more for their brothers….or their kids…who all apparently HAVE NO NAMES. I have even had people send a note asking for picture, with no signature and a return address with no name – it’s like they’re the phantom mystery fan. Well, the cynical conclusion here, would be that some people …ahem, cough, cough…are asking for “signature only” photos in order to re-sell them on E-Bay, etc.  Oh now, you wouldn’t do THAT now WOULD YOU??

Look, a lot of celebrities get seriously PO’d about this sort of thing, but I understand that some people - especially nowadays - really need the cash.  I’m actually cool with that. So, here’s the deal:  you want a “signature only” autographed photo to re-sell for profit? OK, then just TELL ME.   Don’t lie, don’t make up some weird, fake sounding story, just tell me the truth, then, MAKE IT WORTH MY WHILE.  Think of it as you and me going into business together. Say, “Hey, I’m selling autographs on line.  Can I buy a couple from you (cheap) to re-sell for a profit?”  Answer?  YES.  You give me the SASE, a couple bucks, and you can do whatever you want with the pictures.  (But, remember kids, I’m not exactly Barbra Streisand.  The resale of my autographed picture is unlikely to pay off your mortgage.)

4.       Requests: Yes, I tale requests.  I can sign photos and books “Happy Birthday”, “Marry Christmas”, “From one Prairie Bitch to another”, etc.

5.       Letters. Write something nice. You don’t have to write a long fan letter if you don’t feel like it.  But you can if you want.  I really do sit down and read them all. (Extra points for originality and humor!)

6.       Don’t feel you have to indulge in fake flattery.  I get the impression that there are websites there telling people “How To Get Star’s Autographs”, that advise people to “butter up” the celebrity to get their autograph and offer form letters for doing so.  “Be sure to just randomly mention lots of shows they were in!!”  This would explain some of the odd letters I get that tell me that my performance was really brilliant on “Dance Fever” or “Match Game Hollywood Squares”.   (Or maybe there’s some strange subtext in these shows that I’ve been missing all these years.)   If there’s some show or episode I did that you really liked, feel free to say so, but don’t feel pressured to name everything I’ve been in like its pop quiz.

7.        Gifts.  Gifts are good.  But very small items, as I probably have way too much stuff in my house now as it is.  If you really want me to fall all over you and send you lots of autographed pictures, make a donation to PROTECT.org via their website.  You can also send me a check payable to: “PROTECT”.  You can check them out on the web at www.protect.org. 

Thank you and I look forward to reading your letters.

Alison

It’s that time again If you haven’t already signed up for this, you really must! (E-mail LooseGravelProd@aol.com and say “Hey! I want the Nellie Newsletter!)

Here’s this month’s issue:

What, you may well ask, is a “Nellie Newsletter”?  Well, much like it sounds, it’s a newsletter for fans of Nellie Oleson, (and well, by extension, fans of me), who wish to receive updates on my activities and all things “Nellie related”.

Bob writes it up and e-mails it out about once a month or so, to those who request it.

Today I wanted to post a list of all my upcoming engagements, and I realized the easiest way to do that, is to just post the latest edition of The Nellie Newsletter.

If you want to start getting this, send an e-mail to: LooseGravelProd@aol.com and say, “Hey! I want to get the Nellie Newsletter!” It’s that easy. (And you can only get the “BONUS: The Saga of Sock Monkey” with the newsletter!)

Nelle Newsletter June Edition

Hurray, Alison is back from France! (Again) Wait, I said that last month!

Well, it’s true.  She just returned from the premiere performance of her new French show “Nellie Oleson’s Trunk of Treasures – The New Show With Alison Arngrim and Patrick Loubatiere”.  Or, as they call it in France: “La Malle Aux Tresors De Nellie Oleson - Le Nouveau Spectacle D’Alison Arngrim Et Patrick Loubatiere!” It was a huge success. So many people wanted autographs that they had to schedule a special signing for the next day. (http://www.alison-arngrim.com ) But it was a lot of work, and when she came home she slept for two days! It seems like they were running her ragged.

There is sad news from the Prairie:  Ruthie Foster (“Mrs. Foster” the postmistress) passed away on Saturday, May 12, at the age of 92. In addition to playing Walnut Grove’s postmistress, she was also the stand-in for many of the actresses.  She began her stage career at the age of 12, after winning a dance contest.  She had many parts on TV up until she got Little House. 

(http://westernboothill.blogspot.com/2012/05/rip-ruth-foster.html)

One of my favorites was the time she spent as part of Spike Jones’ band. (No, not the director of “Being John Malkovich” – that’s Spike JONZE.  This is Spike JONES, the musician and band leader) She was always a dancer, and performed regularly well into her seventies.

So, back to Alison’s schedule. First off, she’s going to be at the El Segundo Author Fair on Sunday, June 3^rd. This is at the El Segundo Library, 111 W. Mariposa Avenue, El Segundo, CA 90245 (http://www.elsegundo.org/library/ or 310-524-2722) The fair goes from 11:30 AM to 4:30 PM. Alison will be part of their “Pop Culture of the 60’s & 70’s” panel from 2:30 to 3:30, and then will be signing copies of her book from 3:30 to 4:30. What, you say she’s not listed on their website? That’s right, this is a stealth appearance! This is so secret, only you know about it! (She’s filling in, they had a cancellation.)

The next item on the itinerary is the Monte Carlo Television Festival, where she has been asked to be a judge this year. (No, she is not taking bribes! Who do you think she is, Nellie Oleson?) The Monte Carlo TV Festival runs from June 10 through June 14^th. (www.tvfestival.com/2012/) We’re both going this time, so I’ll have to find something nice to wear. (Hmmm … Wonder where I put that tux?)

Then we come back to the US just in time for another performance of Confessions of a Prairie Bitch at the Laurie Beechman Theatre in New York. (http://www.westbankcafe.com/beechman_theatre.html) She’ll be there Friday and Saturday, June 15^th and 16^th, at 7:30 PM each night. That’s The Laurie Beechman Theatre at the West Bank Café, 407 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036. (212.695.6909)

It’s just west of Ninth Avenue - Subway Station: Times Square. Tickets are $20 online at http://spincyclenyc.com/.  You know, it’s been several years since I’ve actually seen the show.  I’m usually here at home writing newsletters, and such!

Then it’s back to LA for awhile.  You know, fourth of July, fireworks, shooting a TV pilot, picnics, yard sales, the usual!

Then she’s off to Laura Palooza in Mankato, Minnesota, July 12 – 14^th, 2012.  Alison will be doing Confessions at 7:00 PM on Friday, July 13^th.  (http://beyondlittlehouse.com/laurapalooza-2012/faqs-laurapalooza-2012/) Dean Butler will also be there.  Dean will be presenting the Pa’s Fiddle project that was filmed recently in Tennessee, and will soon air as a PBS Special. The theme of the Laura Palooza event this year appears to be “What Would Laura Do?”  (“WWLD” Is there a t-shirt?).

Then things get even more confusing.  There is a benefit evening being put together by the local Lutheran Church in Minneapolis. We think it’s on July 15^th, we think it’s in the evening, and that’s all we think we know.  More on this as it develops …

THIS JUST IN: Alison has just booked two shows at The Camp Bar in St. Paul.  That would be Wednesday and Thursday, July 18 and 19, at 8:00 PM at The Camp Bar, 490 N. Robert Street, St. Paul, MN 55101 (651-292-1844 or http://camp-bar.net) Ticket information soon to be available at 800-838-3006 or www.brownpapertickets.com.  This is still pretty new, so it’s not up on either website just yet. (See, you heard it here first!)

And then she returns to the original “scene of the crime”: Walnut Grove, MN for The Wilder Pageant.  From their press release: “Alison Arngrim, who played Nellie Oleson, will visit Walnut Grove on July 20-22. This will be her third visit. She first visited Walnut Grove in 1992 and returned in 2010.”  (http://www.walnutgrove.org/) There will be book signings, autograph sessions, panels, general skullduggery, etc.

But wait!  In answer to our first question when we heard there was a “What Would Laura Do?” theme – Yes, we have just been informed that the gift shop WILL be stocking “WWND” – What Would NELLIE Do?” T-shirts, pins, key chains and magnets!!!

Then she’s off to Heritage Hill in Green Bay, Wisconsin for Laura Ingalls Wilder Days on Friday and Saturday, July 27^th & 28^th.  (http://www.heritagehillgb.org/calendar/laura-ingalls-wilder-days/267 ) From their website: “Heritage Hill welcomes Alison Arngrim who played “Nellie” on the Little House on the Prairie television show. Learn about life on the show and what Alison has been doing since the show. Alison will be signing autographs and answering your questions throughout the event.” Admission: $10 adults, $9 senior citizens and $8 for children 5-17, those 3 and under are free.

Continuing her adventures in the mid-west, she then goes to The Dunes Resort in Saugatuck, Michigan for two performances of Confessions on Friday and Saturday, August 3^rd & 4^th at 8:30 PM. (The Dunes Resort , 333 Blue Star Hwy, Saugatuck, MI 49453 - Phone: 269-857-1401 & Fax: 269-857-4052) Tickets are $30 and are available at www.reactionshows.com

For the next stop on her mid-west tour, she’s off to Pinecrest Historical Village in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, on August 11^th.  Then to Chicago where she is speaking at the National Association of Counsel for Children’s 5th National Child Welfare, Juvenile, and Family Law Conference, August 14^th – 16^th at the Historic Palmer House Hilton in Chicago, Illinois.

Well, that’s it for the summer.  She goes back to France in September, and that’s all we currently know for sure.

Prairie Tidbits

Melissa Gilbert (Laura Ingalls) – Unless you’re living in a cave somewhere, you already know that Melissa was on “Dancing With The Stars”. She lasted up until week 8, got whiplash and a concussion during a Paso Doble, nearly killed her partner during a tango, had a three way dance with 2 hot Russian dudes for the finale and then got voted off.  Rumor has it she took off to Paris for a few days after the show.

Dean Butler (Almonzo Wilder) – As we’ve mentioned, Dean will be at the Laura Palooza event presenting his documentary about Pa’s Fiddle. The PBS Special that was taped in January will air on Nashville Public Television on Sunday, June 3rd at 7pm and Monday, June 4th at 11pm. Be sure to watch! You can read more about this project at:  http://www.murfreesboropost.com/fiddling-father-gets-his-due-cms-31250   The CD will be in stores June 5 but is available now as a pre-release special at www.laura-ingalls-wilder.com.   Dean is also producing a show called FEHERTY for the Golf Channel in Orlando. It airs on Mondays at 7PM and 10PM PDT on GOLF CHANNEL.

Charlotte Stewart (Miss Beadle) – Charlotte will be appearing in Walnut Grove, MN, for The Wilder Pageant.  From their press release:   “Charlotte Stewart, who played Miss Beadle on the television show based on Laura Ingalls Wilder’s “Little House” books, will visit Walnut Grove for the first time on July 14 and 15.” ( http://www.walnutgrove.org/ ) We could possibly see Nellie and Miss Beadle together again.  What will THAT be like?!?

Matt Labyorteaux  (Albert Ingalls) – Matt recently did voice over for a video game called Kinect Star Wars.  From the packaging: “Experience the breadth of the Star Wars Universe as you wield a Lightsaber, train to be a Jedi Master, soar in command of a speeder bike, become a champion Podracer, wreak havoc as a rampaging Rancor, battle the Dark Side in one-on-one duels, dance for Jabba the Hutt, and much more.”

Radames Pera (John Jr.) – It appears that Radames worked on a film in 2010 called Mojo Tango. The description in IMDB reads: “Chilita pees on a stick. Janine follows her heart. Mikey manages a ménage-a-trois and Donny deals with a damsel in distress.” Really. Here’s a clip of the trailer: http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi1521222681

Catahoula News

More Catahoula News!!!! Catahoula is about to sign with Red Queen Music Publishing.  We’re very excited. This means that you may soon hear a Catahoula song in a hit film or TV show  … and many other possibilities.  You can read more about them at http://www.redqueenmusic.com/.  For a taste of our performance at The Federal, you can still go to:  http://vimeo.com/38597779

So there you go, the Third Alison Newsletter of 2012. After a wonderful time in Bora Bora (almost drowned, don’t you know!), buying a tux for Monte Carlo, and negotiating a publishing deal for the band, I’m a little shell-shocked! But the year is only half over.  There’s a lot more fun in store!

 Anyway, be good bonnet heads, and I’ll talk to you next month.

-             Bob

OK, here’s what happened: 

In 1977 I started doing stand-up comedy in clubs around Los Angeles.  I was 15 years old.  I had become friends with a comedy group my dad was managing called “The Village Idiots”, (I know – one of the best comedy group names EVER!).  They were a very talented bunch and even got a gig doing sketches every week on a popular TV show of the time, called “Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert”. This gang of brilliant idiots helped me write my first stand up act.

Now remember, it was the 1970’s…Jimmy Carter was in office. He was the first president in a very long time to have a kid running around the White House – the adorable, blond, precocious, nine year old Amy Carter.  Now adorable she was, but she also was also slightly nearsighted, and became famous for wearing very large, round, shall we say, somewhat unflattering, black rimmed glasses.  She was clearly quite smart for her age and preferred books to hobnobbing with famous White House visitors. She soon became a heroine to nerdy little girls everywhere. She was ahead of her time, the trailblazer for what we now call girl-geek-chic.

So since I was blond, young and a bit of geek myself, it was agreed that to NOT do some kind of impression or “bit” about little Amy would just be missing too much of a comedic opportunity.

It started small, at the end of my act, I put on a pair of gigantic black rimmed glasses and said, “Goodnight everybody!” in what everyone assumed would be little Amy’s southern twang.  (As the real Amy famously did not say much in public, it was just assumed that with the rest of her family all twanging and drawling all over the place, she must be as Southern fried as they were.)

Strangely enough this three second sight gag was a hit. Gradually we added more. The Village Idiots and I came up with a piece called “Amy’s Prayer” in which we imagine what Amy would discuss with God in her bedtime prayers, making lots of cracks about various politicians and White House officials – but all in utter innocence of course – she was only nine, after all.

Now here’s where things got crazy:

My mother was Norma MacMillan, a famous voice over artist known for such things as “Casper the Friendly Ghost”, “Gumby”, “Sweet Polly Purebred”, (Underdog’s girlfriend) and “Davey”, of “Davey & Goliath”.  But in 1962, she had recorded an album called. “The First Family”.  Yes, “The First Family”, the famous comedy album about the Kennedy family.  Very tame by today’s standards, it was considered controversial at the time, (it not only “mocked” a seated president, but even included the wife and kids It went down in history as the “largest and fastest selling record in the history of the record industry” selling at more than a million copies per week for the first six and one-half weeks in distribution.

My mother had done the voices of – you guessed it -  the Kennedy kids, Caroline and John-John.

I can still see the gigantic cartoon light bulb popping up over my father’s head as the obvious next move occurred to him:  “Hey, why not have the daughter of the woman who played Kennedy’s daughter on a huge hit comedy album 15 years before, play the current president’s daughter on a new comedy album and even have the famous mom guest star!”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why there is a comedy album from 1977 called “Heeere’s Amy!” starring Alison Arngrim.

Phones were dialed, meeting were held, arrangements were made, and eventually I was introduced to Mr. Dave Drozen of “Laff Records” who had  won many Grammy awards, producing the likes of Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, George Carlin and my personal favorite – La Wanda Page.

Before I knew it, I was in a recording studio with Dave, the Village Idiots, my mom, my dad, my dad’s business partner, Jess Petersen and a sweet, almost shy, young man named Gregg Suddeth who sounded exactly like Jimmy Carter.

The Village Idiots wrote the sketches. We recorded the whole thing in a day.  For the “laugh track” we invited a bunch of friends back to the studio for pizza and beer that evening and played back the tapes and recorded their reactions.

So, was it a hit?  Well, no not really. It was the 70’s and there was no internet - no Twitter, no Facebook.  Back then, if you wanted to sell something like this to your fans, you had to go on daytime TV and somehow explain your sense of humor to people like Mike Douglas and Dinah Shore.  Perhaps it was ahead of its time.

So is it any good? Well, I asked that myself.  But I kept getting letters and e-mails from fans telling me they had found copies of “Heeere’s Amy!” on E-Bay and whatnot and they all seemed to think it was hilarious.  They kept asking me where they could get it on CD, could they download it? I was amazed.

Why is this silly thing out on I-Tunes now? Because Dave Drozen of Laff Records is still alive and kicking, and still a friend of mine. And now he has a company called UPROAR Entertainment.  http://www.uproarcomedycd.com/index.htm

He’s been putting out all sorts of comedy, new comedy, old comedy and yes, bizarre ancient things from the vaults.

Like “Heeere”s Amy!”

I have to say, it IS quite the dusty antique historical monument in a lot of ways.  (Jokes about Idi Amin and Jody Powell for the love of God!  There’s even a freaking Beulah Bondi joke!!)  But Greg Suddeth’s impressions - Nixon, Carter, Cronkite, etc. are hysterical. And yes, it’s still funny when Uncle Billy belches.

Weirdly, many famous people mentioned on the album have resurrected themselves in the public consciousness: Jerry Brown, Roman Polanski,..Charo.  Go figure.

And of course, there’s some famous people doing the jokes too.  Sadly, many of them are no longer with us.  Who’s on it?  You won’t believe it:

The Village Idiots – all four of ‘em!

Peter Jurasik - Wait! You mean “Londo” from “Babylon 5”???  Yes. THAT Peter Jurasik.  Check out his impression of Henry Kissinger and tell me it isn’t the exact same accent he used on Babylon 5 for the “Centauri”! He’s alive and well and somewhere in North Carolina.

Mark Ganzel - Went on to be a writer/producer on the TV series “Coach” starring Craig T. Nelson. Lost to cancer at the young age of 51.

Jan Fischer - Brilliant, troubled and seriously over educated, Jan went on to write the screenplay for the movie “The Lost Boys”: the infamous 80’s teen vampire flick that launched what we later came to know as  “the two Coreys”. Realized she really was too hip and had to go….March 10, 2011.

Robin Hunt - A gorgeous and funny woman – married well and got out of Hollywood, having the last laugh on all of us.

The others:

Norma Macmillan – AKA My mother. Pretty much every cartoon you saw as a child. She was Casper for God’s sake!  Became a Friendly Ghost herself, on March 16, 2001.

Thor Arngrim – My father & personal manager. Used to work for Liberace. Went to the big red carpet event in the sky, December 16, 2009.

Jess Petersen – My dad’s business partner, my other personal manager and technically third parent.  Sought more interesting employment on the other side…May 21, 2008.

Greg Suddeth – The quiet, shy, comedian and presidential impressionist. Went on to be a screenwriter, actor and Dramalogue Award winning playwright.  Passed away at 55.  I’m told he’d stayed the sweet guy he always was, right to the end.

So as you can imagine this album is quite the trip down memory lane for me, to hear all those voices again: my friends….Mark, Jan, Greg, my parents….and …Jess.  Ahhhh gotta love those “Medium Size Dogs and “Bilingual Presidential Yes Men”!

WARNING: Much of the humor, (like most of the Laff Records catalog I would imagine), is quite politically incorrect by today’s standards. Perhaps that’s a selling point, I don’t know.  As you listen, try to keep in mind that this is an “archeological specimen of comedy”.  (And I was only 15 freakin’ years old.)

But even though appalling things are said and alluded to on this album, no matter what happens, the character of Amy always remains the innocent voice of reason, standing firm against the foolishness and corruption of the adults around her.

No actual children were harmed in the making of this album. (Except possibly me and I’ve been a lost cause for years.)

On November 22, “Heeere’s Amy!” will be available for purchase on I-Tunes, Amazon, UPROAR Entertainment and all other sites where digital comedy is available.

June 30, 2011

Now that I’m a real-live published “author”, (OK, a “New York Times Best Selling” author - wheee!), with a real honest-to-goodness book, people ask me lots of questions. One of them being, “so did you ever write anything before you wrote a book?”  Answer: Yes.  I’ve been writing my stand up comedy act for years, and I back in the 90’s, some people were nice enough to publish the occasional article.

This is the very first article I ever had published.  I wrote it at the request of the AIDS Project Los Angeles Communications Department and it was published in Designer’s West Magazine.

I wrote this 21 years ago. Everything in it is still true and the personal sentiments expressed also apply to my current work with www.PROTECT.org.

Off the Celebrity Bandwagon - by Alison Arngrim

Designer’s West - July 1990

I have been a volunteer with AIDS Project Los Angeles (APLA) for three and a half years. A lot of people have asked me how I got started and why I’m still at in I started in 1986 when my friend Steve got sick. I’m still at it because he didn’t get better.

From 1974 through 1981 I appeared on the NBC television series “Little House on the Prairie” as Nellie Oleson (commonly known as the “Prairie Bitch”). I started out as a rotten, spoiled, evil young woman. The time came for my character to get married off. (On “Little House on the Prairie” everybody got married, even people like Nellie Oleson.) Presented with this challenge, a wonderful actor named Steve Tracy was hired to play the part of my husband, Percival Dalton. The next two episodes read like a warped version of “Taming of the Shrew” Nellie stopped being a bitch, and Steve Tracy became very popular with fans of the show as the man who stood up to Nellie Oleson.

It has been my experience that when people play husband and wife in film or television, one of two things happens. You either hate each other’s guts, or you become best friends. Luckily, Steve and I were the latter. So I was more than a little upset when Steve started telling me in late 1984 that he had “a form of cancer” and became vague about details. He told me that he was receiving treatment and that he was “in remission.” In 1986 he told me the truth. He had been diagnosed with Kaposi’s Sarcoma and was receiving gamma interferon treatments. He was also going to appear on a local television show, “Mid-Morning Los Angeles,” to tell everyone.

Some people do not like to go public with their AIDS diagnosis. Then there are people like Steve. Steve granted an exclusive interview to the Enquirer. He made the cover. The article was extremely favorable, and the magazine really did a very good job of covering the story. However, we still had to deal with the headline: “Ex-Little House Star Has AIDS; Nellie Oleson’s Husband Fights Dread Disease” This was accompanied inside with pictures of Steve and myself from the wedding episode.

If I had had any plans to stay out of this, it was time to forget them. Various newspapers and individuals decided that if my friend had AIDS, I must be some sort of an expert on it and possibly infected myself. People began asking very peculiar questions. My roommate’s aunt called to ask “if she was O.K.” and “Has he been in the apartment?”

I loved Steve and was willing to do anything to help him. However, I just didn’t know that much about AIDS and felt that I was being put on the spot. I felt that, under the circumstances, I had a responsibility to educate myself. I began asking questions of anyone that I thought might know anything about AIDS. At the time, nobody did.

I was finally sent to APLA, and I have since been involved as a volunteer for almost every program. I joined the AIDS hotline, Speakers Bureau, and presently serve as the volunteer host for APLA’s public service cable show, “AIDS Vision” In the beginning, I went right into the Ho dine training. I was in class 32. My teacher’s name was Michael. I did very well. On the final exam, I got 128 out of 130 correct. Only one problem. While I was in the middle of training, Steve died.

A lot of people thought I would leave when Steve died. I can understand how some people get involved when a friend gets AIDS in the hope that if they do the right thing, their friend will get better. And when it doesn’t happen, they think they have done something wrong. If you become an AIDS volunteer on the premise that you are going to single-handedly bring this thing to an end, you are bound to be disappointed. Am I ever disappointed? Often. So why don’t I burn out?

I was burned out many times, but I just keep getting re-lit. What am I supposed to do? “Oh, there’s no cure this week, I quit.”“You mean, they’re not giving me the Nobel Peace Prize? I don’t want to play any more. I’m going home.”

When things get bad, I don’t act stoic and pretend it doesn’t bother me. I don’t go out and get drunk. I don’t go home and pick a fight with my husband. So what do I do? I cry. A lot. And then my husband makes me chocolate chip cookies and gets me Kleenex. But he doesn’t tell me it will all be O.K. He knows better.

Sometimes things work out. Sometimes I am able to get information to people who need it. Sometimes people who were afraid to visit their sick friends find out that it’s all right. Sometimes people who would like to volunteer, but don’t because they think they have nothing to offer, find out that they are mistaken.

I try to see to it that people get their questions answered, their fears dispelled; I work like a human rolodex. If you tell me you’re looking for something, and I know someone who’s got it, I will see to it that you two get together. I can’t find the cure for AIDS, but if somebody else can, I’m going to get his or her phone number.

Why do I still do this? Why haven’t I just moved on to the next “celebrity bandwagon”? Because this isn’t a bandwagon. This is real life. I’m doing this as a human being. Why I’m still doing this isn’t the question. I’m trying to figure out why everybody else isn’t doing this with me.