OK, here’s what happened: 

In 1977 I started doing stand-up comedy in clubs around Los Angeles.  I was 15 years old.  I had become friends with a comedy group my dad was managing called “The Village Idiots”, (I know – one of the best comedy group names EVER!).  They were a very talented bunch and even got a gig doing sketches every week on a popular TV show of the time, called “Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert”. This gang of brilliant idiots helped me write my first stand up act.

Now remember, it was the 1970’s…Jimmy Carter was in office. He was the first president in a very long time to have a kid running around the White House – the adorable, blond, precocious, nine year old Amy Carter.  Now adorable she was, but she also was also slightly nearsighted, and became famous for wearing very large, round, shall we say, somewhat unflattering, black rimmed glasses.  She was clearly quite smart for her age and preferred books to hobnobbing with famous White House visitors. She soon became a heroine to nerdy little girls everywhere. She was ahead of her time, the trailblazer for what we now call girl-geek-chic.

So since I was blond, young and a bit of geek myself, it was agreed that to NOT do some kind of impression or “bit” about little Amy would just be missing too much of a comedic opportunity.

It started small, at the end of my act, I put on a pair of gigantic black rimmed glasses and said, “Goodnight everybody!” in what everyone assumed would be little Amy’s southern twang.  (As the real Amy famously did not say much in public, it was just assumed that with the rest of her family all twanging and drawling all over the place, she must be as Southern fried as they were.)

Strangely enough this three second sight gag was a hit. Gradually we added more. The Village Idiots and I came up with a piece called “Amy’s Prayer” in which we imagine what Amy would discuss with God in her bedtime prayers, making lots of cracks about various politicians and White House officials – but all in utter innocence of course – she was only nine, after all.

Now here’s where things got crazy:

My mother was Norma MacMillan, a famous voice over artist known for such things as “Casper the Friendly Ghost”, “Gumby”, “Sweet Polly Purebred”, (Underdog’s girlfriend) and “Davey”, of “Davey & Goliath”.  But in 1962, she had recorded an album called. “The First Family”.  Yes, “The First Family”, the famous comedy album about the Kennedy family.  Very tame by today’s standards, it was considered controversial at the time, (it not only “mocked” a seated president, but even included the wife and kids It went down in history as the “largest and fastest selling record in the history of the record industry” selling at more than a million copies per week for the first six and one-half weeks in distribution.

My mother had done the voices of – you guessed it -  the Kennedy kids, Caroline and John-John.

I can still see the gigantic cartoon light bulb popping up over my father’s head as the obvious next move occurred to him:  “Hey, why not have the daughter of the woman who played Kennedy’s daughter on a huge hit comedy album 15 years before, play the current president’s daughter on a new comedy album and even have the famous mom guest star!”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why there is a comedy album from 1977 called “Heeere’s Amy!” starring Alison Arngrim.

Phones were dialed, meeting were held, arrangements were made, and eventually I was introduced to Mr. Dave Drozen of “Laff Records” who had  won many Grammy awards, producing the likes of Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, George Carlin and my personal favorite – La Wanda Page.

Before I knew it, I was in a recording studio with Dave, the Village Idiots, my mom, my dad, my dad’s business partner, Jess Petersen and a sweet, almost shy, young man named Gregg Suddeth who sounded exactly like Jimmy Carter.

The Village Idiots wrote the sketches. We recorded the whole thing in a day.  For the “laugh track” we invited a bunch of friends back to the studio for pizza and beer that evening and played back the tapes and recorded their reactions.

So, was it a hit?  Well, no not really. It was the 70’s and there was no internet - no Twitter, no Facebook.  Back then, if you wanted to sell something like this to your fans, you had to go on daytime TV and somehow explain your sense of humor to people like Mike Douglas and Dinah Shore.  Perhaps it was ahead of its time.

So is it any good? Well, I asked that myself.  But I kept getting letters and e-mails from fans telling me they had found copies of “Heeere’s Amy!” on E-Bay and whatnot and they all seemed to think it was hilarious.  They kept asking me where they could get it on CD, could they download it? I was amazed.

Why is this silly thing out on I-Tunes now? Because Dave Drozen of Laff Records is still alive and kicking, and still a friend of mine. And now he has a company called UPROAR Entertainment.  http://www.uproarcomedycd.com/index.htm

He’s been putting out all sorts of comedy, new comedy, old comedy and yes, bizarre ancient things from the vaults.

Like “Heeere”s Amy!”

I have to say, it IS quite the dusty antique historical monument in a lot of ways.  (Jokes about Idi Amin and Jody Powell for the love of God!  There’s even a freaking Beulah Bondi joke!!)  But Greg Suddeth’s impressions - Nixon, Carter, Cronkite, etc. are hysterical. And yes, it’s still funny when Uncle Billy belches.

Weirdly, many famous people mentioned on the album have resurrected themselves in the public consciousness: Jerry Brown, Roman Polanski,..Charo.  Go figure.

And of course, there’s some famous people doing the jokes too.  Sadly, many of them are no longer with us.  Who’s on it?  You won’t believe it:

The Village Idiots – all four of ‘em!

Peter Jurasik - Wait! You mean “Londo” from “Babylon 5”???  Yes. THAT Peter Jurasik.  Check out his impression of Henry Kissinger and tell me it isn’t the exact same accent he used on Babylon 5 for the “Centauri”! He’s alive and well and somewhere in North Carolina.

Mark Ganzel - Went on to be a writer/producer on the TV series “Coach” starring Craig T. Nelson. Lost to cancer at the young age of 51.

Jan Fischer - Brilliant, troubled and seriously over educated, Jan went on to write the screenplay for the movie “The Lost Boys”: the infamous 80’s teen vampire flick that launched what we later came to know as  “the two Coreys”. Realized she really was too hip and had to go….March 10, 2011.

Robin Hunt - A gorgeous and funny woman – married well and got out of Hollywood, having the last laugh on all of us.

The others:

Norma Macmillan – AKA My mother. Pretty much every cartoon you saw as a child. She was Casper for God’s sake!  Became a Friendly Ghost herself, on March 16, 2001.

Thor Arngrim – My father & personal manager. Used to work for Liberace. Went to the big red carpet event in the sky, December 16, 2009.

Jess Petersen – My dad’s business partner, my other personal manager and technically third parent.  Sought more interesting employment on the other side…May 21, 2008.

Greg Suddeth – The quiet, shy, comedian and presidential impressionist. Went on to be a screenwriter, actor and Dramalogue Award winning playwright.  Passed away at 55.  I’m told he’d stayed the sweet guy he always was, right to the end.

So as you can imagine this album is quite the trip down memory lane for me, to hear all those voices again: my friends….Mark, Jan, Greg, my parents….and …Jess.  Ahhhh gotta love those “Medium Size Dogs and “Bilingual Presidential Yes Men”!

WARNING: Much of the humor, (like most of the Laff Records catalog I would imagine), is quite politically incorrect by today’s standards. Perhaps that’s a selling point, I don’t know.  As you listen, try to keep in mind that this is an “archeological specimen of comedy”.  (And I was only 15 freakin’ years old.)

But even though appalling things are said and alluded to on this album, no matter what happens, the character of Amy always remains the innocent voice of reason, standing firm against the foolishness and corruption of the adults around her.

No actual children were harmed in the making of this album. (Except possibly me and I’ve been a lost cause for years.)

On November 22, “Heeere’s Amy!” will be available for purchase on I-Tunes, Amazon, UPROAR Entertainment and all other sites where digital comedy is available.

June 30, 2011

Now that I’m a real-live published “author”, (OK, a “New York Times Best Selling” author - wheee!), with a real honest-to-goodness book, people ask me lots of questions. One of them being, “so did you ever write anything before you wrote a book?”  Answer: Yes.  I’ve been writing my stand up comedy act for years, and I back in the 90’s, some people were nice enough to publish the occasional article.

This is the very first article I ever had published.  I wrote it at the request of the AIDS Project Los Angeles Communications Department and it was published in Designer’s West Magazine.

I wrote this 21 years ago. Everything in it is still true and the personal sentiments expressed also apply to my current work with www.PROTECT.org.

Off the Celebrity Bandwagon - by Alison Arngrim

Designer’s West - July 1990

I have been a volunteer with AIDS Project Los Angeles (APLA) for three and a half years. A lot of people have asked me how I got started and why I’m still at in I started in 1986 when my friend Steve got sick. I’m still at it because he didn’t get better.

From 1974 through 1981 I appeared on the NBC television series “Little House on the Prairie” as Nellie Oleson (commonly known as the “Prairie Bitch”). I started out as a rotten, spoiled, evil young woman. The time came for my character to get married off. (On “Little House on the Prairie” everybody got married, even people like Nellie Oleson.) Presented with this challenge, a wonderful actor named Steve Tracy was hired to play the part of my husband, Percival Dalton. The next two episodes read like a warped version of “Taming of the Shrew” Nellie stopped being a bitch, and Steve Tracy became very popular with fans of the show as the man who stood up to Nellie Oleson.

It has been my experience that when people play husband and wife in film or television, one of two things happens. You either hate each other’s guts, or you become best friends. Luckily, Steve and I were the latter. So I was more than a little upset when Steve started telling me in late 1984 that he had “a form of cancer” and became vague about details. He told me that he was receiving treatment and that he was “in remission.” In 1986 he told me the truth. He had been diagnosed with Kaposi’s Sarcoma and was receiving gamma interferon treatments. He was also going to appear on a local television show, “Mid-Morning Los Angeles,” to tell everyone.

Some people do not like to go public with their AIDS diagnosis. Then there are people like Steve. Steve granted an exclusive interview to the Enquirer. He made the cover. The article was extremely favorable, and the magazine really did a very good job of covering the story. However, we still had to deal with the headline: “Ex-Little House Star Has AIDS; Nellie Oleson’s Husband Fights Dread Disease” This was accompanied inside with pictures of Steve and myself from the wedding episode.

If I had had any plans to stay out of this, it was time to forget them. Various newspapers and individuals decided that if my friend had AIDS, I must be some sort of an expert on it and possibly infected myself. People began asking very peculiar questions. My roommate’s aunt called to ask “if she was O.K.” and “Has he been in the apartment?”

I loved Steve and was willing to do anything to help him. However, I just didn’t know that much about AIDS and felt that I was being put on the spot. I felt that, under the circumstances, I had a responsibility to educate myself. I began asking questions of anyone that I thought might know anything about AIDS. At the time, nobody did.

I was finally sent to APLA, and I have since been involved as a volunteer for almost every program. I joined the AIDS hotline, Speakers Bureau, and presently serve as the volunteer host for APLA’s public service cable show, “AIDS Vision” In the beginning, I went right into the Ho dine training. I was in class 32. My teacher’s name was Michael. I did very well. On the final exam, I got 128 out of 130 correct. Only one problem. While I was in the middle of training, Steve died.

A lot of people thought I would leave when Steve died. I can understand how some people get involved when a friend gets AIDS in the hope that if they do the right thing, their friend will get better. And when it doesn’t happen, they think they have done something wrong. If you become an AIDS volunteer on the premise that you are going to single-handedly bring this thing to an end, you are bound to be disappointed. Am I ever disappointed? Often. So why don’t I burn out?

I was burned out many times, but I just keep getting re-lit. What am I supposed to do? “Oh, there’s no cure this week, I quit.”“You mean, they’re not giving me the Nobel Peace Prize? I don’t want to play any more. I’m going home.”

When things get bad, I don’t act stoic and pretend it doesn’t bother me. I don’t go out and get drunk. I don’t go home and pick a fight with my husband. So what do I do? I cry. A lot. And then my husband makes me chocolate chip cookies and gets me Kleenex. But he doesn’t tell me it will all be O.K. He knows better.

Sometimes things work out. Sometimes I am able to get information to people who need it. Sometimes people who were afraid to visit their sick friends find out that it’s all right. Sometimes people who would like to volunteer, but don’t because they think they have nothing to offer, find out that they are mistaken.

I try to see to it that people get their questions answered, their fears dispelled; I work like a human rolodex. If you tell me you’re looking for something, and I know someone who’s got it, I will see to it that you two get together. I can’t find the cure for AIDS, but if somebody else can, I’m going to get his or her phone number.

Why do I still do this? Why haven’t I just moved on to the next “celebrity bandwagon”? Because this isn’t a bandwagon. This is real life. I’m doing this as a human being. Why I’m still doing this isn’t the question. I’m trying to figure out why everybody else isn’t doing this with me.